Trusting friends with partners


Photo credit: Bobbie Rae Jones

Many of us have no problem trusting our friends with anything that we see as ours: swimsuits, water bottles, cars and more. A question I often find myself asking is can I trust my friends with my partner?

A while back I had a friend that would go after a guy even if I admitted that I liked him. She would then date the guy and toss him aside a few months later. I have also heard from people that if a person is in a relationship it just makes pursuing the person more of a challenge.

This seems to add to the idea that people don’t have respect for relationships or boundaries. I know some might say I should trust my partner, but I also think people need to be responsible for their actions and respect boundaries.

There are some different ways to help the situation and still keep the friendship.

  • Confronting the friend can sometimes make all the difference. Some people are unaware of their actions and how they might be interpreted by others.
  • Limit the time that is spent with the friend. When I am around a friend like this, I find that I tend to overthink their actions.
  • Let go of the friendship. If there are true reasons to doubt a friend, it might be time to let go of that friendship.

Sometimes I have talked to my partner to see if he agrees with how I am understanding a friend’s actions. A big one is limiting how much we drink when out. We also try to leave early and together when we are hanging out with the friend. This is also something we do if my partner has concerns for any of his or my friends regarding their intentions.

So what happens if a partner cheats and suspicions have been proved warranted toward a friend? I have known some people’s relationships to become stronger after something like that, because the partner has to regain the trust that is lost.

At this point I would let go of the friendship if I want to work through things with a partner or with the friend.

If a person desires to work through the misstep with a partner, there are a few things to try.

  • Be honest: Talking and being truthful about the situation can help to figure out a possible underlying problem.
  • Take responsibility for a person’s actions. It is easy to point a finger at others, but owning up to actions can evoke a genuine apology and desire to work through things.
  • Let it go. People can say they have let something go but then bring it back up in an argument. In order to move past what happens a person has to let it go and forgive the other person entirely.

Friendships are important and wonderful when they are healthy, just like an intimate relationship. But they can still turn sour and become toxic. It is important to be aware and know when someone is crossing the line of what is appropriate. It is also important to remember that a relationship can heal after someone cheats; it just takes work.

Joann Chevaillier can be reached at [email protected] or @jmc_8284 on Twitter