When orgasms are hard to come by


Photo credit: Dongyoung Won

In every girlfriend group, you can find five individuals (so to speak) who are all going through many different situations in their lives but what they share most often is the bond between their sex lives.

Yes, as a friend who comes from a girl group of five, I could say nothing goes better with coffee and bagels than a good description of last night’s hookup.

What I’ve noticed, though, is that there are recurring complaints of not being able to have an orgasm during sex, (I cringe as I type that). Sex without orgasms is like going to the gym just to sit and take selfies. What’s the point?

Over the summer, I engaged myself in a very casual hookup with a boy from back home. We pretty much had sex every day and only a couple days out of the many did I actually have an orgasm. I was only starting to actually experience the orgasms more towards the time we started to die out and stop talking…but that’s a different story.

Personally, sex seemed to always be pleasurable for me, even when I didn’t orgasm. But trust me, once you’ve felt that exact sensation throughout your whole entire body, you’re not going to want to have sex without having an orgasm. It’s the same feeling as having sex without a condom for the first time. It feels better.

When I’d talk about sex with my girlfriends, the only one who was able to relate to me when I said “I finally had an orgasm last night when I hung out with him,” was the one friend who was in a monogamous relationship.

“Yeah, my boyfriend always waits for me. Like, we aren’t done until 1 a.m.,” were her exact words. Of course, jealousy and slight bitterness always surfaces the room after hearing that. Another one of my friends usually pouts in the corner and wonders what it’s like to have an orgasm.

Woman who are in a relationship tend to reach their climax more often than women who don’t because boyfriends tend to wait for the girl to have an orgasm in order for him to finish. So props to all the men out there who wait, we appreciate you.

If you’re hooking up with a guy who you just met last weekend, don’t feel bad if he never waits for you to finish. Guys who have sex for hookups are more likely to just want to finish and call it a night, no matter how long (or rather short) it takes.

It’s ridiculous and unfair that women are pressured to have sex and when they finally do, they aren’t always likely to enjoy it to its fullest potential. I’m not the first to admit this but it takes quite some time and effort for women to reach their climax, but the best part about it is that we can have more than one.

Men, on the other hand, are usually done right after they finish and we can’t do much with them after that besides cuddle and try to ignore the sound of their snoring.

So that leaves us ladies with one question: Is the sex really bad if you don’t have an orgasm? I can’t help but wonder how I should judge a hookup after having it. I didn’t orgasm, but it felt nice. I did orgasm, but we only had sex for a short amount of time. Can we ever win?

To those who have never experienced an orgasm… let me try to be the first to explain it. These orgasms occur when my heart begins to race, my thighs start to quiver and I sometimes feel lightheaded. Suddenly, I start to feel a tingling sensation all throughout my entire body and during this whole time, I’m holding my breathe in.

Next, I fall flat onto the bed (or wherever this may possibly take place) and I know the orgasm is over once I close my eyes and feel like I’m ready to go right to sleep.

Yeah, orgasms are highly talked about for a reason.

Rachel Reyes can be reached at [email protected] or @theorion_news on Twitter.