OrionScopes: Week of March 27


Photo credit: Briana Mcdaniel

Editor’s note: The horoscopes below are compiled in a collaborative effort from The Orion’s opinion staff and have no actual bearing on current astrology.

Aquarius: Relationships haven’t been going the way you’ve hoped. Just when you think you found someone you’re interested in, you ruin it with your insecurities. This is because you are crazy and make false accusations. By constantly questioning the other person’s intentions, you are driving them away from you then blaming it on their unwillingness to commit. Try not to be a basket case this week and appreciate the good that comes your way.

Pieces: You still haven’t managed to get on top of your classwork since the first week of school. It isn’t because your professors are assigning too much, you’ve been blowing it off to party. While most people are struggling to get a 2.0, you’ve somehow found a way to receive a negative GPA. Start drinking some coffee and cramming all the work you’ve been procrastinating this semester to save your grades.

Aries: This weather is almost as unpredictable as you are. You are unstable and people are walking on eggshells when having a conversation with you. This is due to you over stressing and lack of sleep. What you need this week is a full eight hours of sleep a night. Everything will turn out okay, stop scaring your friends and small children and adjust your attitude.

Taurus: Eating out every night was great when you were in high school, now it’s unnecessary, costly and making you fat. The late night trips to Tacobell shouldn’t be a daily activity. It’s time to pick up the weights and put down the tacos.

Gemini: Your bank account seems to have a significant amount of deductions recently. You wake up and wonder where it all has been going and end up having to scrap for cash for necessities. The unnecessary spending on late night Uber’s that only take you a block or two are taking a major toll. Reevaluate your spending to save yourself the embarrassment of another declined card.

Cancer: Holding an intellectual conversation with you is harder than waking up for 8 a.m. classes on Friday. This is most likely due to you drowning yourself in vodka several times a week and disregarding your educational priorities. It’s a wonder how you’ve made it this far in life and haven’t been kicked out of your university. This week, attempt to show up for classes and bring down your tolerance.

Leo: Everyone is avoiding your nagging posts on social media like it is the plague. People go online to see cute pets, videos of children cursing and drunk college students. No one cares about your opinion on an issue you know little to nothing about. Quit being an in your face know it all and lighten up so your family doesn’t keep putting you on mute.

Virgo: Your collection of college hookups is starting to rack up. It has gotten so bad that you can’t go anywhere on or off campus without being reminded of a cringe-worthy night. This week try recycling through past one-night stand’s to feel better about yourself.Good luck on staying positive and testing negative.

Libra: You’ve been killing it at the Wrec lately which has been very rewarding. The only problem is no one wants to sit by you in class post work out because you’re a sweaty, stinky mess. You reek of BO and leave sweat marks on your seat when you leave. Try scheduling your workouts during more appropriate hours so others can focus on something other than your heavy breathing.

Scorpio: People are surprised when you tell them you are a full-time student, work more than 20 hours a week, get enough to sleep and maintain a social life, but anything is possible when you lie. No one believes anything you say anymore because you fabricate your life to make it seem better than it is. Remember honesty is the best policy and quit your lying tendencies.

Sagittarius: You’ve noticed people aren’t finding you as attractive. It’s because you have given up on putting any effort into your appearance. Wearing the same shirt for days and having your hair in a mess isn’t trying, it’s lazy. Go brush your hair and put on some clean clothes and you might attract some potential suitors.

Capricorn: Trying to please everyone is both impossible and exhausting. Luckily, you don’t care about pleasing anyone but yourself. Putting yourself first is a talent of yours that should be on your resume. Lately, you tend not to care about other’s feelings if it contradicts with something you want. Try to be a little more considerate of others instead of loving yourself like Kanye loves Kanye.