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Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

This is a 100% satirical article. Graphic generated by Ariana Powell using Adobe Firefly on April 25.

Black Plague on-campus: RUN!!!

Ariana Powell, Editor-in-Chief // May 1, 2024

It’s arrived at campus … the BLACK PLAGUE! Despite the health risk posed by the ancient sickness, the university announced they will not be ending school early, in fact, they will be extending the...

Say "hello" to your new mayor. Photo by Robledo Rafael Andrade via Pexels.

A modest fur-prosal: Put pets in local politics

Heather Taylor, Copy Editor // March 4, 2024

We all know the only politics that matter are those on a national and global scale. Local politics are a waste of time and energy, with little-to-no impact on the lives of the average citizen.  To...

Swift Campaign Logo / Designed by the Swift Campaign (Satire logo created by Garrett Hartman)

Presidential elections Swift-ly approaching

Garrett Hartman, Contributor // February 21, 2024

The quadrennial tradition of Ye — formerly Kanye West — announcing his run for president was interrupted this week. In the middle of an unhinged, non sequitur rant that would make Alex Jones blush,...

A person screams. Photo by Jan Kopřiva: Pexels.

Get ready to scream!

Ariana Powell, Editor-in-Chief // January 29, 2024

Chico State has been taking notes from "Monsters, Inc."  and will be fully transitioning to a new energy source: scream power. Except instead of using the screams of children to power facilities, they...

A group of frat men holding a protest sign

For our right to party

Nadia Hill, Reporter // January 25, 2024

Students’ hearts sank to their mixed-drink filled stomachs, as they received the late-night notification that class was in session Tuesday morning. Once the professors and faculty left the picket...

‘School Spirit’ by Kit Beauchamp created with Freepik AI 

An ode to Chico 

Kit Beauchamp, Reporter // December 14, 2023

The year is 2033. All the water fountains have been replaced with rocket fuel. Keg Stands are a division one sport. There is not a single couch left uncharred within Chico city limits.  Respectable...

Let us help you find the perfect gift for students and more at Chico State. Photo by Heather Taylor with Magic Studio, Nov. 10.

Bootstraps, scream jars and friendship bracelets: A Chico State gift guide

Heather Taylor, Copy Editor // November 29, 2023

As the holiday season quickly approaches, we know many of you are thinking about gift-giving. It can be challenging to find the perfect gift for your loved ones, but at your Chico State family headquarters,...

Image created using Wepik AI

Third floor of library hosts rage rooms amidst closures

Kit Beauchamp, Reporter // November 12, 2023

A round of applause cascaded through the quarters of the fourth floor. This week's battle royale on Meriam Library’s third floor had come to an end. The winner, Gayle Hutchinson, grinned victoriously,...

Image by Kit Beauchamp

What is The Big Dipper?

Kit Beauchamp, Reporter // November 9, 2023

It’s The Orion’s new satire column.  You can find it under 'features.'  Webster's dictionary defines satire as “writing that exposes or ridicules conduct, doctrines, or institutions either by...

Will a violent, lottery system mean more open parking spaces in the near future? Photo by Heather Taylor on Nov. 1, 2023.

Chico State proposes new, deadly ‘Lottery’-inspired parking solution

Heather Taylor, Copy Editor // November 2, 2023

Chico State students have long lamented the terrible state of parking at the university. Now, a potential lethal solution is being proposed by the administration.  Czar of Parking Services, Anita Dahller,...

Illustration created by Ariana Powell on Oct. 19.

CSU clarifies tuition raise as Halloween trick

Ariana Powell, A&E Editor // October 23, 2023

On Friday, the California State University announced the multi-year tuition raise is actually a spooky theme for the first annual “CSU Haunted System,” which will take place on Halloween across all...

Artist's rendering of golf resort created with Wepik AI

Disagreement unfolds over $20 million golf resort plans on Chico State campus

Kit Beauchamp, Reporter // October 17, 2023

Chico State is proud to announce the unveiling of the newest, shiny development on campus. Our humble, little school will be opening up an expansive, luxurious, $20 million golf resort later this year,...

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