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Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Ghosting shows how mature people can’t be

Photo credit: Jaime Munoz

Have you ever been in a situation where you’re exchanging messages with someone and it comes to the point where you find yourself enjoying their company, but they suddenly fall off the face of the earth? It’s not your typical they “left me on read” scene. It means no phone call, email or text.

This, my friends; is called Ghosting. For those of you who haven’t experienced it, it is the sudden act of cutting all communication with someone they are dating and no longer having the desire to date them. This is usually done in hopes that the “ghostee will get the hint” and understand they want to be left alone instead of telling them they are no longer interested, according to Urban Dictionary.

Even though the silence leaves us swimming into our own insecurities, we all come to a point where we have ghosted someone. According to HuffPost, surveys showed that 26 percent of women and 33 percent of men have both ghosted and been ghosted, while 24 percent of women and 17 percent of men admit to ghosting (but not being ghosted on).

In all honesty, I am guilty of ghosting in many situations I have been in. From experience, I can’t really say I was afraid to let them know I wasn’t interested that no matter how honest I was to them about not wanting a relationship with this person, it’s like they wouldn’t get the hint. Therefore, I didn’t have a caring bone in my body to drop someone without letting them know because I didn’t think it was all that important.

Yes, I made that jerk list but it wasn’t until I was ghosted myself that I realized how much this can really affect a person. I learned that this is just a way to avoid confrontation with someone who doesn’t have a better way to say, “I’m just not interested.”

Often people who prefer ghosting rather disappear than confront someone because they supposedly don’t want to hurt them. However, acting upon on this does exactly what most people are trying to avoid: cause harm. The idea of being socially rejected stimulates us to feel the pain that can lead to us questioning the value of ourselves, according to PsychologyToday. In reality, this just comes to show how people who contribute to ghosting just lack communication skills and the ability to handle a fully developed adult relationship.

My opinion is straightforward: Don’t ghost people. How to tell if you’re about to be ghosted? Consider thinking about whether the person you’re communicating with is responsible. By doing this, you’re helping yourself find what’s best for you and whether this person is worth your time.

Start off by identifying their space and distance. If it’s unusual, take the initiative and bring it up into your conversation, they could be avoiding it. If they’re not responding to your texts or calls as often as they use to, don’t keep reaching out because in the end, this can just push them away. Take some space, you’ll be doing yourself a favor in not falling into such a trap.

Karen Limones can be reached at [email protected] or @theorion_news on Twitter.

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    Patty // Oct 31, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    Hi! Looking for stuff to do in Chico found “The Orion” during a down time at work. New here and I’m 60. Trying Oh my God! There is a name for MEN that can’t be adult enough to say…”Thank you but Not interested!” And, I speaking about a lawyer taught here in Chico and working in this town and Orville. Thank you so much for this article. I have always been an honest straight bold women and can handle what I dish out; but, Ghosting did hurt. I believe it was more because I thought meeting an educated and knowing he had an ethical legal practice this GUY would be different. Nope, they (males) still come in all kinds.
    I’m feeling better already.